My problem right now is that, despite enjoying my break and relaxation, I lack a point of mental focus. Because of that, my mind tends to wander to places of unhappiness or unrest, even though those would otherwise be very small issues in my life. I keep thinking that once I start working I’ll feel better, focused, awake again. But I don’t think that will do it.
My job isn’t going to be something I’ll come home with. It’s not going to be something that I think about at night, work on, scrutinize etc. Rather, I’ll probably consider it a bit, but essentially come home with free time, but physically and mentally.
I’ve been thinking about various projects that I can undertake. I was going to write a book, but didn’t really know what I would say. I am working on a few things for HPAG, but my frustration tempers any real enthusiasm I would have. I am starting to think about another project at school, but it’s temporarily stalled.
Some people fill time like this working on themselves: getting in shape, expanding their mind by reading and things of that sort. I find myself to be a fairly boring object for reform and effort. I also find general self-improvement without an actual goal to be self-indulgent, maybe even pointless. Not for other people, because it makes them happy, which is the goal and makes it all worth while. But efforts to improve myself bore me, so there isn’t a good goal (quite a catch 22 i’ve weaved huh?).
The question then becomes, what to do?
